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Husband In A Jar

by Jackie Loggins

He was late again. Except this time being late meant he didn't come back at all. His tardiness had been a gradual trend. First he would come in around three or four in the morning. After that, he would show up around noon on Saturday, even though he promised he would be back early the Friday night before. But now it was four-thirty Sunday afternoon and Myra had no idea where her husband was.

She called around to different family and friends to inquire about his whereabouts, but no one knew or if they did they hid his obvious secret. Yes, it was time for her to allow it to settle in her mind that her spouse was having an affair. Oh, she heard all the different rumors from whispering neighbors and church members alike. Once her own sister spotted him with his new lover during a Sunday afternoon drive through the neighborhood. “How dare he ride that bitch around for all your neighbors to see?!” her sister said in disgust. “You're not just going to let him get away with this are you, Sis?” she asked. “You need to do something about it!”

But Myra wasn't the type of woman to be quick to jump up and cause a ghetto scene or make a lot of drama. Not even for this type of betrayal. She knew the best revenge would be cool, quiet and secret. Along time ago her grandmother from the bayous of Baton Rouge, Louisiana taught her the secret of how to handle a wayward husband. Yes, there was family recipe past down from one generation to the next for hundreds of years that could solve any marriage that's gone sour. “When ya man goes running around in the streets it mean he done loss all respect for ya,” her old grandmother would say. “And if he don't respect you, then them harlots not gonna respect you nedder. And befow you knows it, you and da chirren will be out da door and da next woman will be coming in,” she warned.

So Mother Desiree, as most folks around those parts called her, taught her young and naïve granddaughter how to fix a dishonorable husband. The old creole lady mixed the ingredients slowly and carefully, explaining each step to her grandchild who watched and listened intently. “Season his food wit it and remember to do this wif kindness in yo heart, if you want it to work fast,” the old lady instructed. “But grandmama, what if I find a man who makes me happy?” young Myra asked.
“You may find a good honest man to marry. Child, I pray you do. But if you find otherwise, at least you'll know how to handle him.”

With that being said her grandmother gave her a list of seeds and herbs and instructions. “Keep this with you always. And never share it with nobody. Not even yo own mama because she don't approved of the old ways of our family,” she laughed. “But magic is in our blood and we should always use it to our advantage,” the grandmother said in a more serious tone. “How will I know if I should use it, grandmama?” Myra asked. “You'll know in yo heart if the time is right. Always remember Myra, we should run our lives instead of letting life run us.”

Those last words stuck with Myra. And she will probably remember them until the day she die. Ironically, now they apply to her marriage and she realize it's time to take out the list she's kept hidden away for so many years. Figuring she probably has an hour or two before her unfaithful lover makes it home, she sends her boys over to her sister's house for the evening and prepares a small feast filled with things like dressing, greens, ham, fried chicken and mac-n-cheese for when her husband returns.

The minutes passed to hours until she heard the sound of a car engine pulling into the drive way. The car door slammed and soon he was entering the house through the back door. As her old grandmother instructed, she stood over the feast with a smile on her face and kindness in her heart. “Hi baby, are you hungry? I hope you enjoyed your weekend,” she continued to smile. “I sent our boys over to my sister's house so we could enjoy our dinner in private,” she explain. No doubt this caught the husband by surprise. He half expected to have to battle for dear life as soon as he stepped inside the door. He had an elaborate lie prepared in his defense, but he was so relieved that he forgot all about it. And honesty he was starving. His mistress was very good at working up an appetite in him, but she couldn't cook a lick. He smiled back at his seemingly desperate or clueless wife and pulled his chair up at the head of the table as she prepared him a hefty plate.

He stuffed himself so fast that he literally had to stop for breaks. She only continue to smile and speak kind words encouraging him to catch up his strength by eating more. He went through the main course, then the dessert until most of it was nearly gone. And then it happened. There was a strange tingling, tickling sensation that started from the bottom of his feet gradually spreading all over.

The husband jumped up quickly when he began to feel his body stretching then shrinking from the inside out. Everything around him grew larger – the table, the chairs, the cabinets, then his own clothes and his wife! When the shrinking stopped, he only stood about four inches from the floor itself. Myra stood and smiled down at her tiny husband. Then she walked over to one of the cabinets and retrieved a an old mason jar along with it's lid.

Seeing this brought great fear and panic to the husband. He ran and hid throughout the entire kitchen only to be discovered by her again and again. Finally he found a perfectly safe spot behind the refrigerator. “She won't be able to move this without help,” he thought. “It's way too heavy.” But he was wrong. Before he noticed the heavy refrigerator slid away from him... “Gotcha!” Myra said quickly dropping the jar over her husband entrapping him. She carefully slid the lid under it to secure him inside.

She turned the jar in her hands carefully inspecting him as he stared back in horror. Suddenly she tapped it three times. “Can you hear me in there?” she asked. “I'm very sorry things had to be this way, but you left me no other choice. You see, I was taught to take control over life instead of letting the problems of life take over me,” she laughed then gave him a more serious look. “As a husband you were to honor and keep me happy by providing for this family, being faithful and respecting me as your wife. But you did not. You trampled over my heart and our marriage.” She shook her head. “So since you failed to act like a man, then I'm left with no choice but to keep you like an insect.”

Mya carried the jar with her husband inside out to the old neglected shed behind their home. She placed the jar on her grandmother's old bookshelf and went back into the house to clean up the meal. The husband screamed and kicked and cried for help, but he was too small for anyone to hear him. He passed out only to come back to himself when he heard the voice of his sons returning home. “Mama, when is daddy gonna come back?” the youngest son asked. “I'm so sorry baby, but daddy has left us to be with someone else. He won't be coming back home,” Myra replied.

Out of hope and breath the husband drifted off into a deep sleep. When the night was over he slowly woke to a new day and a new reality. As the sun rose higher into the morning and began to peek through the cracks of the old shed, the husband discovered a new horror. On either side of him was a shelf filled with old dusty jars that encased the skeletal remains of men who once were. He closed his eyes and in the distance he could hear this horrible low ringing sound that got louder and louder until...RING!!! RING!!!

The husband opened his eyes once again this time looking around his bedroom. He had been dead asleep with his cell phone lying on the nightstand ringing in his ear. He quickly snatched it up. “Hello?” he whispered.

“Hey Baby, I got the room like you asked. What time will you be around to pick me up?” the sultry female voice on the other end asked.

“Umm, I won't,” he quickly replied.

“What did the you say?!” his mistress asked.

“I said I won't be picking you up or meeting you this weekend! As a matter of fact, it's over. Don't call this phone anymore.” The husband quickly hung up his cell phone and looked around to see if anyone was within earshot of his conversation.

Relieved that his nightmare was only a dream and that his affair was finally done with, he laid back down onto his soft pillows and slept in that Saturday morning. A few weeks later, that old shed behind their house mysteriously caught fire and burned down and he never allowed mason jars to be brought into their home again.

The End

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Copyright by Jackie Loggins 2012 ©  All Rights Reserved.